Mouse: The Teen Years

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Mouse: The Teen Years

Post by Mouse » 2011-09-06 12:51

Dear Diary -

Ghost picked me up from the medical ward of The Observer earlier this morning. Gotta say, he sure cleaned up nice. He was lookin' all handsome in this suit! A suit, can you believe it? Almost worried me for a minute thinkin' that he might goin' all respectable on me or somethin'. Anyway, he looked really nice.

I asked him where we were going and he told me that we are going to be on a long journey and the first stop was home. Ghost's home. Pretty cool, yeah? I'll have to ask him tomorrow what it was like for him. Growing up, I mean. I hope his childhood was better than mine.

Pfft.

Guess I should start writing about that. I mean, I've heard it said that keeping things bottled up inside ain't healthy. Ha! Look at me! I'm underweight, malnourished (that's what the doc said), and those docs on The Observer said I should be hospitalized for months just so they could get me healthy, and here I am worried about keeping feelings locked up inside? What a joke!

My mom was a real piece of work. According to her, my dad was a worthy piece of bantha poodoo who did nothing but piss away his credit chits on booze and Twi'lek whores. Her words, not mine. That was what she said about him on her good days. On her bad days, she claimed to have been raped while in a drunken, drugged stupor and that she never knew who he was. That story is the one I can actually believe. On the days she was more lucid, I think she made that stuff up more for herself than she did for me. On her good days, she was almost functional.

On her bad days? Let's just say I guess I'm lucky that we had one neighbor who did care what happened to me. Her name was Lynbel'na and she was a Twi'lek woman. That much I remember. I remember her smile, too. The last memory I have is from when I was right around four years old. Mom had been on a real bender, a week long one. I hadn't eaten anything because mom didn't go to the store to buy anything. There was no food in the apartment, the water had been turned off because she didn't pay the bill, and the heat got turned off, too.

But another week had gone by. What Lynbel'na didn't know was that by the time she called the authorities and reported her concerns, mom had been gone. I'd been alone in the apartment for that entire second week after mom's bender. She ran off with some guy, one of her dealers, and forgot all about me. Lynbel'na heard me crying. Weak, but I was laying on the floor crying.

Sector authority shot the locks on the door. I remember how scared I felt and seeing the look on Lynbel'na's face when she saw me laying there, reaching out a tiny little hand for her. I didn't know who those men were. I just knew her face and her kind smile. Had I known then what I know now, I don't think I would have cried. I say that because had I not been crying, Lynbel'na never would have heard me. I could have just laid there until I died.

But then I never would have met Ghost.

Hm. Was the crappy hand I've been dealt in life worth living through? As I sit here, sailing through the vast darkness of space with Ghost, I realize there is only one answer to that question.

Yes. The answer is yes. I'd do it all again, too, just to see his smile.

...

Oh no! I'm starting to sound like them! Those kind of girls that I hate!

Well, Diary, it's time for me to hit the sack. I don't know where I'll be when I wake, but as long as I'm with Ghost, I know everything will be okay.

Peace out!

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Re: Mouse: The Teen Years

Post by Mouse » 2011-09-20 00:00

Dear Diary -

Couldn't sleep. Ghost and I are finally on our way. Heading to his homeworld, Commenor. He doesn't seem to be very excited or happy about going home. I didn't ask. Didn't think he'd want to open up to me about that just yet. Maybe I should scratch the idea of asking him what life was like growing up for him, too. At least for a while. I dunno. We'll see.

I should also see if I can find out why that man is still single! I never realized it before tonight, but he's a pretty good lookin' guy. I shouldn't think of him that way though. He's like ... old. I mean, I'm sixteen, newly turned actually. But he's gotta be like ... in his twenty's!

Still ... *sigh*

Anyway ... need to find a way to make him smile.

I'll sleep on it.

Peace out!

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Re: Mouse: The Teen Years

Post by Mouse » 2011-10-25 19:55

Dear Diary -

I had that nightmare - again. I don't know what it's suppose to mean but it's really beginning to stress me out. I don't want to write it all down here, not just yet. I should, though, because if it's prophetic - or a premanition - then I can look back to the journal entry if anything like it actually happens and know for sure then.

Ghost has been behaving rather strangely though since our trip began. The closer we get to Commenor, the more ... cold ... the more ... dark ... he becomes. Earlier he spoke of regretting the fact that he didn't leave me on The Observer. I can't believe he said that! He told me I should leave, that I sould pretty much be as far away from him as possible. At least something to that affect.

I don't understand. He was so happy to see me. At least ... I thought he was. Now it's like he can't do enough to lose me. I'm beginning to dread this trip. I wish he'd just turn away from Commenor and go some place else. Even the bland, hot deserts of Tatooine would be better than this! Just some place where he and I can go, just be together and live life and do stupid things together. Watch movies, go shopping, and eat out at restaurants. Maybe have an apartment or something that we can just call home.

There's this rock in the pit of my stomach I can't get rid of. I can't shake this feeling of dread that seems to have set up permanent residence deep inside of me. I'm still reeling over the fact that Ghost was adamant that I'd wind up under the guardianship of ISIS should anything happen to him. I'll run the first chance I get and he knows that! He KNOWS it! He knows he's the only person I've ever allowed myself to get close to.

Can you believe I slapped him across the face? Man, the only time I've ever done that before was when Sledge and his goons jumped me. Man, that was a night I'll not soon forget. Surprised the doctor back on that medical ward aboard the ship didn't want to re-break the rib Sledge broke that didn't heal quite right just so he could set it right and let it heal correctly. Doctors, I've noticed, are not happy unless they are putting you through misery.
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But yeah. I slapped Ghost across the face for saying that he should have left me behind. My biological mother did that. She didn't want me.

Guess I never expected to hear such words from Ghost, though.

Never.

What's wrong with me? Why am I so unwanted? How come I can't be loved?

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Re: Mouse: The Teen Years

Post by Mouse » 2012-06-24 04:06

Dear Diary -

Sorry to have neglected you for so long. I was so angry at Ghost but couldn't find the desire to write about it. He'd taken me to Commoner. We went to his old home and he introduced me to his friends. Turns out they were pretty cool, actually. But Ghost was there on some mission of some sorts. I don't know what happened but some how this chick from his past ended up at his house and she pissed him off. He took off. He left me there. Can you believe that? He took off out of anger and completely forgot all about me.

Now when I think about it, it just makes my heart break all over again. I watched my father walk out on mom and me. I watched as my mom forgot all about me and lost herself in her own little world. I've been in and out of foster homes and orphanages. I ran away from them all. Point is, Ghost is the only person I trusted so yeah, it was devestating to me that he could forget me so easily.

But to begin making up for it, aside from a heartfelt apology, he bought me a pretty black dress, a purse, and new shoes, then arranged a shuttle for me. He sent me to this social party the military was hosting on one of it's ships. Second Chance Dance or something like that. I'd never been a first dance so to say I was unsure about the whole thing would be the understatement of the year.

I never really wore a dress before. Or heels for that matter. I felt pretty uncomfortable but figured what the heck, right? Might have some fun.

Yeah. Right! It was really pretty boring. I didn't know anybody there. Though I did meet one of the pilots. A young woman by the name of Bara. She was pretty cool. Until she told this guy that I'd love to dance with him! I'll get her for that.

But seriously. This guy and his friend came over to Bara and me and asked us to dance. I don't know how to dance! I was positive that what he really meant to ask was if Bara would dance with him. Guess I was wrong because Bara told him I'd love to dance with him. Idiot me forgot that I'd slipped off my shoes because my feet were hurting so badly and I end up on the dance floor with this guy in my bare feet. If he was embarrassed, he sure as hell didn't show it.

His name is Lucius Nova. Nice guy. Tall, blonde. Lost his eyes in a terrible accident. They were replaced with ocular implants. A pity those implants didn't include anything cool like X-ray vision, megazoom, or even to shoot lasers from them. I think if I were him I might feel a little cheated in that arena. I couldn't imagine living life without my eyes and having to see through ocular implants. I wonder if everything still looks the same?

Back to that later. So Lucius and I were just out there on the floor dancing when all of a sudden he kisses me! I couldn't believe it! I didn't know what to do. Should I have slapped him? Kicked him? Pushed him down then beat the snot out of him? Am I surprised that I didn't do any of those things? Yes. As matter of fact, yes, I am very surprised I didn't rearrange his face. That's so not like me. What's wrong with me?

Wait. Better yet. What's wrong with him? Why in all of God's creation would Lucius want to kiss me?

I have to admit, though ... it was nice. So mark this date on the calendar, Diary ... I, Arabella (aka Mouse) was kissed for the first time ever by Lucius Nova at the 2nd Chance dance. And I liked it!

Not that it'll ever happen again. Of that I'm sure.

Anyway, time to change into clothes that are more my style. Then its off to the small kitchen to scrounge up a late night snack and cop a squat before the holovid. If I recall, Webb Tenger: PeaceBuster is on. It stars Harlan Ottekvar. He's kinda' nice to look at. That's followed by SuperKnight: The Awakening. Astral!

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